Thoughts on a Thursday


Just got back from a nice lunch at Whole Foods.  For a broke dude, I sure do eat well.  Even though I went yesterday after my nature walk, it just made sense to eat there again.  Plus, it’s great seeing all those people there, a whole different version of people watching.  Range Rover driving, tax-evading, kid beating crew up in Whole Foods.  People with darkness inside them.  OK, I’m making this up, but that’s what I do.  Tell stories.

Anyway, I came home to finish up some homework and prepare for tonight’s class.  It’s the last time this semester that I will be leading the prose breakout group.  Hopefully, the students all cry and tell me how much I changed their lives in ways they can’t even yet fathom.  More likely, I’ll hear a couple smart ass comments about how happy they are that they never have to see me again.  Everyone’s a fucking comedian.

So here I sit, thinking.  Having read my blogs, you know how dangerous that can be—me deep in thought.  Honestly, it’s when I’m at my best.  Wrapping my noodle around this thing called my life.  I may not have things all figured out, but I have a good clue as to who I am and where I fit in.  And that’s just it.  I don’t want to keep me from myself, let alone from others.  I’m not going to apologize for who I am.  Of course, I have to insist that I expect/accept the same from others.  Even when they don’t fit into my mold, I have to accept who they are.

It’s in acceptance that I really get to know people, really understand them.  No, it’s not easy.  In fact, it’s some hard-ass shit.  But so very worth it, to look at someone and get it.  I have a friend who has always talked about the “good stuff” (way before Robin Williams said it to Good Will Hunting) and I instantly understood what he meant.  Believe me, the guy who said this is a character himself.  A great friend though.  Now that’s good stuff.

I’d rather spend a half hour with someone I love that I’m having a hard time interpreting than days with people who aren’t worth getting to know.  Hard work.  Time.  That’s where those connections are forged.  Those lifelong bonds that can not be broken.  But they require maintenance.  Asking tough questions, handling difficult answers.  And returning, in kind the same hard answers when faced myself with daunting questions.

I gotta be brave.  Fuck it.  Life ain’t never been easy, but then again, why should it be?  The way I look at it, my life has been, and surely will continue to be, a bit rough.  From the outside, I’m sure it looks that way.  And the inside job hasn’t been all rosy.  But shit if it ain’t worth it.  There are people in my life that I thank God, the universe for.  And their love, respect, and friendship ain’t free.  I have to plunk down the investment.  The returns are fantastic, and I feel rich as a result.  Fuck a job.  I have a life, a mind, a heart.

Oh, and a mouth.  Which I seem to use too much at times…  I’m such a freak.  Get Skillz.

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