Car Commercials


They’re on ALL the time.  If the jingle or tagline is catchy enough, it becomes part of pop culture.  Car companies consider every day a great day to sell their vehicles.  Therefore, we got bombarded with ad after ad while trying to do simple things like watch the news, catch a game, or memorize another Law &  Order.

These commercials boast extraordinary deals:

10 years, 100,000 mile Warranty

$0 Down, No Payments Until the Rapture

Brakes

Truth is, only those among us with picture-perfect credit qualify for these “deals.”  The rest of us get something like:

Guaranteed to Drive Off the Lot, After That, Who Knows?

$$ Down, Trade-ins Accepted Below Blue Book, and a Ridiculous Monthly Payment for at Least 6 Years

Brakes???

The ads always ramp up (Highway pun.  Fantastic.) each year around the holidays.  Let’s consider what some of this year’s spots tell us:

Hyundai:  White guys not named Marshall can rap, as long as it’s about buying shit.

Lexus:  Buying someone a car for Christmas is perfectly reasonable.  As long as you put a ribbon on it.  And are a douche bag.

Honda:  Remember the episode where Putty got Jerry the inside deal?  Yeah, so do we.

Infiniti:  If you live in the mountains and drive our car, it’s ok to destroy others’ property and perhaps commit murder.  For a parking spot.

Seriously.  Have you seen the Infiniti commercial?  A guy gets hit with a snowball by his neighbor.  They both drive off to work.  The guy who got pelted forms a snowball and innocently rolls it down a hill.  Essentially racing the man down the mountain, the snowball remains true to its namesake “effect” and grows larger and larger.  The man arrives at his destination and makes way so this enormous orb of mayhem can roll right over the neighbor’s car, thus engulfing it and tumbling further down the slope with it snugly in-tow.  The guy then parks in the vacated spot.  Oh.  I see.  If you own a Lexus, criminal behavior is ok.  I like to think the neighbor is still in his car when the snowball hits; the ad guys left the interpretation up to the viewer.  By choice, I say the Infiniti driver is a psychosociopath.  Just this guy.  Not in general…

That’s all I got for now.  Thank you for reading.  Just so you know, I get all excited when I see my stats go up; that means my nonsense is reaching more and more people.  Oh, what a feeling!

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Disclaimer:  No automobile maker was hurt during the writing of this post.

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