Dabutcha's Blog

August 15, 2015

Being in love is all good and stuff

Filed under: Family,Marriage,Relationships — thabutcha @ 3:15 PM
Tags: , , , ,

Normally, when I post something, it’s because I went somewhere or did something or saw someone and I come here to put it down.

I didn’t go anywhere special today.  In fact, I’m sitting on the couch with Jurassic Park on the TV and the sliding glass door open.  The idyllic weather can’t even get me to sit on the balcony right now.

I didn’t do anything of note today.  Danielle, Leah and I rode over to the Dodge dealership in Norristown to get her car after some recall repair stuff.  Then I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple prescriptions.

I guess that means I must have seen someone today about whom I am writing.  Not really.  Well, wait…

When I woke up this morning, I turned my head and saw my best friend, laying in the bed, next to me.  She smiled, I said good morning, I rolled in her direction and we shared a kiss.  No, fireworks did not shoot into the night sky like at the end of a movie.  I mean, we just woke up and my breath was kickin’.  But, shit, if there ain’t sparks every time our lips meet!  Her lips are so soft, I could stay there forever.  Groggy, we eventually succumbed to the daylight and got off our backs and ran the above-mentioned chores.

After choring, we came home and ate macandcheese and tunafish.  Basic, delicious, perfect.  Danielle was telling Leah about the Addams Family, which steamrolled into our reminiscing on shows we watched when we were kids on days that we stayed home from school.  The Munsters, Hogan’s Heroes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, et al.  I brought up The New Munsters, which Danielle didn’t recall.  I remarked on how it was a total flop and she stated that people can’t remake shit and expect it to work.

“You can’t just re-do Gilligan’s Island,” I added.

“Holy shit!”

“See that?”

“I was going to say the exact same thing.  Gilligan’s Island.”

“I know.  We’re having the same conversation.”

It happens all the time.  Either I or my beautiful wife will say something, to which the other replies, “I was just thinking that” or “I was just going to say that!”

It’s why she’s my one and only.

*****     *****     *****

Last night, we took Leah to Facenda to do some bowling.  Of course, while we were there, I ran into people that I know.  Because it seems they’re everywhere—people I know.  Danielle remains in awe that no matter where we are, someone goes “Yo, Rob.”

Danielle had taken a quick break and was walking back toward our lane.  When I looked up and saw her approach, she may as well have been in slow-mo with Eric Carmen playing in the background.  Or someone equally cheesy and late-80s-movie-ish.  (I just decided, Oh Yeah might work too.)  Anyway, she walked and I watched.  Her jeans fit just right and her pink shirt showed the right amount of curve, skin.  I couldn’t stop staring.  She got closer and must have felt my eyes upon her and spoke

“I know.  I’m coming.”

“What?”

“It’s my turn, right?”

“Well, yeah but that’s not why I was looking at you.”

“Oh, it’s not?”  She’s good at coy.

“No, I was watching you because you’re hot as fuck.”

I think she rolled a strike after that.

*****     *****     *****

There isn’t a feeling in the world that can beat making a pretty girl smile.  Even though all I did was tell the truth, it made Danielle happy.  Danielle Gardner, that is.  She’s my wife.  I still can’t believe it.  I mean, seriously.  Just because she thinks I’m handsome doesn’t make me Rico Suave.  She’s got this super-dark hair that frames her gorgeous face, dark brown eyes, pink lips, and a smokin’ hot body.

It’s ridiculous that this beauty loves me.  At least, that’s what my mind wants to tell me.  She’d argue, of course, and I’d listen because I love her siren-like voice.  Shit, I’d steer my ship into a jetty just to catch one of her whispers.

*****     *****     *****

So, this is my life now.  Wedded bliss (as opposed to the weeded bliss in which I spent my 20s and part of my 30s).  I get to spend my days with my best friend.  My lover.  My confidant.  My muse.

If I were anyone else, I’d be damn happy for me.

Thanks for stopping by.

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So, the Munsters reboot was actually The Munsters Today.

Now, for your viewing and listening pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Eric Carmen:

July 3, 2015

Justice: It ain’t free


The Yahoo! headline for this story: New rules to combat campus sexual assaults.
Because “Don’t rape” is way too vague.

As far as I’m concerned (which is about as far as I go), any institution that handles rape as an internal issue and does not turn the offender over to police is just as culpable as Penn State was in the whole old-man-rapes-boys situation.
I’m not all “if you see something, say something,” Big Brother, watcher-on-the-wall guy; I think surveillance is way out of hand and getting worse.

However, to require federal regulations that impose fines upon a university which does not report sexual assault—alleged, proven, or otherwise—is a failure of grand proportion.  College is big money, an industry unto itself; many have their own microcosmic legal systems through which they process wrongdoings of varying degrees.  Rape is a wrongdoing of a degree beyond what a college administration can handle.

Starting July 1, all colleges and universities that receive federal funding need to comply with the new regulations.  Fact is, most higher education institutions receive Title IV money, so nearly all will need to endorse policies in-line with the Campus SaVE Act, signed into law by President Obama in 2013 alongside the unfortunately-named Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act.  Did the prez just reauthorize violence against women?  That’s what it sounds like to me and Trump and Ted Cruz.  Yay, election season!

I gather from this article and the additional research I’ve conducted that it used to be ok for colleges and universities to treat instances of sexual assault—alleged, proven, or otherwise—like they’d treat an intramural Ultimate Frisbee game: with complete and utter indifference.  I brought up PSU above because it invokes strong feelings, one way or another.  My issue has been and always will be with the university’s handling of the first reports of sexual misconduct on Sandusky’s part.

*****     *****     *****

Think I just discovered part of the problem.  We refer to rape as sexual misconduct.  Misconduct sounds fun.  Rape does not.  Let’s stop calling it sexual misconduct or sexual assault and call it what it is.  Rape.  It’s a heinous, violative crime that steals another person’s dignity; humanity.  It’s to reduce another human being’s existence to that of an object; a tool; an accessory.  A lawyer likely coined the term sexual assault in an effort to lessen its effect in the opinions of jurors.

We allow an overly PC society to tell us what we can say and an equally-cryptic legal system to speak of the law in terms that the lay person simply cannot comprehend.  Well, I know that habeas corpus roughly means “has body” and that means it’s damn-near impossible to prove a murder took place without a dead guy.  Or gal.  No body, no crime.  Thank you, Law & Order.

*****     *****     *****

Yet, up until now, a college or university hasn’t been able to tell its community “Don’t be a rapist” because, what, there’s a gray area?  How’s this for a policy: Get accused of rape, go to jail.  Let the state figure it out.  Should the government not already have a law that takes away money from any institution that fails to report rape—alleged, proven, or otherwise?

Maybe I’m reacting wrongly to this story.  Maybe it’s a good thing that the federal government has intervened on behalf of the victims and stated unequivocally that an institution of higher learning which fails to report sexual assault to the proper authorities will be fined.  Wait.  $35,000?  That’s it?  That’s less than the cost of one rapist’s tuition.  What the flying fuck?

That’s as bad as when a professional athlete is accused of aggravated assault and drug possession and all kinds of other shit and gets suspended for like three games.  Um, ok.  I’m sure Asshole-Who-Makes-Twenty-Million-a-Year-Guy really feels the pinch from that punishment.  Granted, they don’t all make seven figures, but how in any way does that punishment fit the crime?

And how does $35,000 deter a big university from sticking with the status quo?  Solution?  Take away all funding.  Punish the entire school.  Force its community of supporters to abandon the institution.  Only then will real change take place on campuses.

Well, I guess people could stop raping.  That would really create an atmosphere of change:

“Hey, frat douche, lonely stalker guy, and drunken professor!  Yeah, you!  Thinking about doing some rape?  Don’t, because it’s really, really, really wrong and the person you want to rape won’t appreciate it.”

That way, just as some psychosociopath is getting ready to whip his (or her) junk out and go all creep on some unsuspecting soul, he (or she) can remember that catchy PSA: Don’t rape. Plus, you may be saving your beloved university $35,000.  And that’s not nothing!

*****     *****     *****

New rules to fight campus rape?  Don’t.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

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June 24, 2015

Guest Opinion Blogger: My Brother


Recent media coverage is causing a re-evaluation of what I know, or have known, about the current state of our society.  I shall open with two definitions that I feel are appropriate to this conversation:  RESPECT and OPINION.

Respect.  noun re·spect \ri-ˈspekt\

1              a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>

2              an act of giving particular attention :  consideration

3              a :  high or special regard :  esteem

b :  the quality or state of being esteemed

c plural :  expressions of high or special regard or deference <paid our respects>

Opinion. noun opin·ion \ə-ˈpin-yən\

1              a :  a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter

b :  approval, esteem

2              a :  belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge

b :  a generally held view

3              a :  a formal expression of judgment or advice by an expert

b :  the formal expression (as by a judge, court, or referee) of the legal reasons and principles upon which a legal decision is based

Aretha called for one and Dear Abby provided the other.  There is also the saying that ends with “…everyone has one”.  If we as a community could get past the fervor caused by the media and get back to the basics our parents/grandparents taught us, “respect each other’s opinions”, maybe we will get through this current storm.  You don’t have to agree with it and you don’t have to like it, you just need to be considerate enough to accept the fact that someone else may have a different viewpoint that you do.

In my opinion, the “politically correct”, hand-sanitizer, generation has gone too far.  No longer are we allowed to have an opinion that differs from the herd.  If you think outside of the current trend, you are ostracized and called a bigot or racist.  We hear of free-range parenting, trans-racial office holders, trans-gender Olympic athletes, don’t fly that flag over here, a flag being stomped on over there… too many others are worried about how you should live your life instead of taking care of themselves.

The military now has a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender pride month.  A lifestyle choice is being given a month to celebrate.  How about a pride month for Fat Beer Drinking White guys?  FBDWG pride!  That is a personal choice/lifestyle too.  Don’t get me wrong, I support whatever it is you want to do with yourself or within your own home.  Get married, adopt kids, and be happy!  So long as you are harming no one else.  On the flip side, I expect the same courtesy for everyone else who has a different perspective. Twenty or thirty years ago, we all knew Richard Simmons, Freddie Mercury and The Village People were all flaming gay men… guess what?  Nobody cared.  It was game-show hilarity, rock and roll, and catchy disco.

Today, we criticize those who want to prevent the desecration of our Nation’s flag when a protester burns or stomps on Old Glory.  They say it is all protected free speech and in the same breath, shout out that the Confederate flag is racist and offensive.  One person’s heritage is another person’s symbol of oppression. Guess what?  The Amish think zippers are the devil’s handiwork.  We don’t see them calling for the removal of all zippers.

Today, outrage is everywhere when a white cop shoots an unarmed black man but yet there are no mass riots when a white girl is killed and stuffed in a trash can over her bicycle.  There is no doubt in my eyes that Black lives DO matter… then again, so does all life.  The failure to show an equal level of disgust for everyone seems to scream bias.  Yet in today’s media coverage, differing views are no longer allowed to be different.

We would never go into a halal butcher and ask for a pound of bacon just like we wouldn’t go into a Jewish deli and ask for pork.  Don’t like bacon, don’t eat it… just don’t try telling me what I can and cannot eat because you disagree.  Why then would we force a baker to make a cake that defies their personal belief?  Just move on to the next bakery or deli or butcher.  These are not Red versus Blue issues and they are not Black versus White.  This is America, where everyone was welcomed into our pot to become one spectacular stew.

It is my opinion that we must get back to the way things used to be… if you are not harming someone else with your held beliefs, then press on with pride.  Want to be a chain-smoking, whisky loving, beer drinker?  Have at it! Though the same rules apply… don’t smoke in my house if I don’t smoke, don’t overindulge, don’t be an asshole outside of a bar to those in the community, and don’t get behind the wheel of a car.  Want to be a rainbow flag waving, cross dressing, activist?  More power to you!  The idea is that we might not agree, but we should at least respect one another’s opinions and only intervene when public safety is a concern.

I respect that others may feel strongly for, or against, many of these topics.  The idea is that we must respect the differences of opinion that make us all special and unique without demanding that others agree.

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