Gonna come right out and say it: Fuck orange; preemptive surgery is the new black.
That’s right, folks. The new thing emerging from Hollywood is having shit removed from your body before it becomes a problem. Perhaps I should have had my fucks surgically removed years ago, because that shit is useless. No matter how hard I try to give one, I just can’t seem to find a fuck worth giving.
All jokes aside, and by aside I mean included, Angelina Jolie should be eating a fat D right about now. After learning that she had inherited the BRCA1, or Breast Cancer, gene mutation, she had a double mastectomy last November. The gene was most likely passed down through her mother; her mom passed at age 56 with ovarian cancer, as did her maternal grandmother. Though the likelihood was high that Jolie could expect an identical diagnosis before long, I don’t know how to feel about her action.
I’m well-aware that my opinion on what a mega-celebrity with cash enough to make God dance like an organ-grinding monkey does with her body is statistically useless as fuck.
At the time of her elective surgery, Jolie was hailed as a heroine; a champion of women’s health awareness. Sure, I’ll buy that. People were talking of getting tested and that’s never a bad thing. Except…
This morning the newsworld again buzzed with word that Queenjolie elected to have an oophorectomy prior to falling victim to ovarian cancer. Prior to diagnosis, even.
And the medical crowd goes wild…
A story in The Daily Beast lauds Jolie as a “Science Hero” for showing the world how a responsible woman protects her body.
Because she had her ovaries removed, Jolie will now receive hormone therapy to replace the estrogen produced therein. Which increases her risk of breast canc—oh, yeah. She has breasts no longer. Talk about potentially dodging a potential bullet. Huh?
So, her breasts and her ovaries are outside of her body and therefore pose no threat of harboring cancer; fallopian tubes, as well. Preemptively peaced-out on purpose, to prevent potential problems. P.
She’s brave, I’ll concede.
The message, however, is a bit murky to my logic. Get tested and then remove probable problem areas. Sure, if insurance covers it. Does it? From what I understand, the government acted to reduce the costs of BRCA1 and BRCA2 testing. Bra-vo, Miss Jolie.
What about insurance? Does it cover elective surgery? Most insurance companies would scoff at the idea of paying for a procedure that eliminates something that might not happen. Honestly, having one’s plumbing removed is slighty more expensive than, say, the Silver Sneakers program. They’ll reimburse a gym membership if it means paying less in rehab costs, sure. Shelling out thousands for elective surgery? Not so much.
Where does this leave the average American woman? The one who works in cubicles near mine, or yours? The one who serves me steak and potatoes at my local cow-and-spud-eatery? These ladies likely can’t afford such costly tests and in-case surgeries. If they’re lucky enough to have coverage, are they truly “covered” for such scenarios?
All the awareness in the world isn’t going to force behemoth insurers to loosen their grip on hard-earned premiums and profits. Education is fantastic and can trump all else. Eventually. But to elevate Angelina to angelic strata is misguided. Having her ovaries removed is the equivalent to having her lips filled with whatever they’re filled with. It’s cosmetic to her; preemptive surgery looks good on Angelina Jolie because she’s famous and rich. It wouldn’t look so great on Angel and Julia and Tina and Debbie and any other “normal” woman who ain’t married to Brad Pitt. At least, not according to Anthem and Aetna and Highmark and United Health.
We’re so quick to label someone a hero. Yet Jolie said something that sticks out as antithetical to her supposed heroism. Having lost her ovaries, Jolie will not produce estrogen naturally. She will enter premature menopause, as she will no longer menstruate or be able to bear children. Hence, hormone treatments. Menopause will cause physical changes, a fact on which Jolie commented that she feels “at ease with whatever will come, not because I am strong but because this is a part of life.” Angelina Jolie, cancer is a physical change and a part of life, yet you were not so at ease with that, huh?
Smacks of lookatmeitis. Maybe she should be tested for the gene responsible for needing attention…
And now, Kelly Osborne says that she supports Jolie and will likely have similar preemptive procedures done. Kelly fucking Osborne? Didn’t she just quit her job on a useless channel for something someone else said about someone else?
What the fuck is going on in our world?!?!
Angelina Jolie is getting her lady parts yanked. Ozzy Osborne’s daughter has a viable social position that makes the news. And Bill Cosby is a sickfuckrapist.
I feel like I went to sleep and never woke up and this is all a bizarre dream—er, nightmare. I’m waiting for Angelina to admit she’s a Reptilian and then shed her skin to reveal an asexual lizard that shoots venom from its eyes. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.
A more reasonable explanation is that money talks, walks, and gets air time. The rest of us are fucked. In related news, I still can’t find a better job.
Coincidence or conspiracy?
What say you, Angelizard Jolizard?
As always, thanks for reading!
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Who needs a better job when you have all this, anyway?