Dabutcha's Blog

October 29, 2013

[Sic] fucking joke…


All-day Sickness

All-day Sickness

Pretty sure I just got effed in the A by Pre-Existing Condition Exclusion Period.  Essentially, because I didn’t have insurance for the past 63 days.  Ergo, none of the meds I take are covered.  Um, if I’d had insurance, I wouldn’t fucking need insurance.

When I was on unemployment, I got denied Medical Assistance because I owned a car.  Technically, a bank in Texas owned my car.  But it was mine and I didn’t have proper documentation proving my level of poverty.  Now that I have a job, the insurance I so desperately yearned for will be denying me for a year because I didn’t have insurance.

Swear to fucking god, I might lose my shit over this one.  I’ve had “coverage” since October 14.  Though I’ve not yet received a card or membership package, the prefuckingexisting fuckyouintheneck letter arrived expeditiously.  Luckily, if I have any questions, I can call the number on my membership card.  Oh, wait…  There is no fucking membership card.  Yet.  I’d be better off with a library card and a bottle of rubbing alcohol.  But even that shit would be impossible…

“Your plan allows you to research your condition at the library of your choice.  In order to qualify, you must use a library which was built after the Dewey Decimal System was digitized but before the Affordable Care Act was written.  Your chosen venue for medical education via picture books not including pop-ups but including atlases depicting the designated zone in which your illness or condition originated, not necessarily the zip code in which you reside.  However, you must administer treatment in the same zone as the location of above-stated research takes place unless a reasonable  substitute can be found and verified by your local carrier after approval has been gained by the national network’s Office of Regional Affairs – Humongous Profits Division.  Once your ailment has been identified and independently audited by a third-party accounting firm to be chosen by insurer, you may treat at home.  Here is a bottle of Isopropyl rubbing alcohol, which must last you until the date of your policy year-end.  Any unused portion must be returned to any of the authorized receptacles located within several Cotton Ball Zones in Iowa.  Unused, unreturned solution will be loaned to the insured at a per-milliliter rate based upon current market conditions and hobo-drinking levels.  Unless you die.  In which case we will imprison your family until said debts are repaid along with suitable interest and damages.  Thank you for choosing Blue Balls Blue Shield of Iowa.”

What a fucking joke.

 

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1 Comment »

  1. PRAISE THE GOOD LORD YOU HEALTHY(cept for that anger,resentment issue id have that looked at wiggie) *when coverage available in you area of course! hee-hee.
    -slugger frank

    Comment by Frank Bright — October 31, 2013 @ 9:05 AM | Reply


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